ALL ABOUT “Love”
“The end goal? Me in Taormina in a 100% silk night gown being fed Tiramisu with a glass Fiano di Avellino by a handsome Italian man in his naughty 40's.”
Being a ferociously private person when it comes to my dating escapades, it's quite a surprise that I'm even granting you a glimpse into the enigmatic realm of my love life.
Living in major cities definitely has its perks as well as its cons, but there's one aspect that rarely gets talked about: navigating the sea of potential partners in our current dating scene. As someone who's pretty selective about who I allow into my world, there are many factors that come into play when it comes to my attraction towards these men.
I can't deny that I'm consistently drawn to men who, at least on the surface, exude a certain level of sophistication.
Let me preface by stating that I do have a type: Impeccably dressed, meticulously groomed, and there's something about intelligence mixed with foreign accents coupled with striking bone structure that acts as my ultimate weakness.
For the sake of discernment. I've embraced a more relaxed approach in my search for the ideal partner. Apologies to my Capricorn stellium, but I've moved beyond romanticizing men solely based on their cologne and bone structure.
I am well aware of my ability to stir up a sense of unease in those who catch my romantic interest. Many of them are irresistibly drawn to the challenge of decoding my elusive nature, but only a chosen few possess the courage to rise to the occasion. It's a double-edged sword, really, because at first glance, I may appear innocent with a baby face which often causes men to underestimate the internal battles I can provoke within them.
but that’s not all…some of these relationships were closer to my heart than others. I hope to God some of them never ever find out about this blog and if they do. It is what it is. The juicy stuff
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The juicy stuff ☏
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This was the kind of love that set the tone for me and expectations from everyone after him. We were young but it meant something. All of it did, for a while. In all honesty, a big part of me was in love with the idea of him more than him but eventually the love came. It came unexpectedly, especially when I never intended to let my guards down with him but hours on the phone led to days, weeks then years. Some nights he watched me fall asleep on Skype before he hung up because I was scared of the dark and other nights I crawled under my comforter and watched him play the strings of his guitar and make beautiful melodies like the ones he evoked of my heartstrings. He cared about my hobbies, my past and my wildest dreams. As a certified chatterbox, there was never a moment where I felt like I couldn’t show him who I truly was. If anything, he always encouraged me to pursue something related to writing.
The good part was that he felt like home. The bad part was that home has always been a matter of question mark for me, therefore that familiarity I shared with him was mostly the works of my imagination because the caveat was that he lived thousands of miles away. We eventually grew apart before it got too toxic, the passion was too much for us to manage and we were better off away from each other. I eventually blocked him and spent years searching from him in many men, but failed. Eventually, we reconnected and I quickly found out that we were always better off as friends — at least that’s what I concluded from our last conversation. My sweet gemini boy. I still wish you the best even when it’s not with me
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He embodied everything I envisioned in a perfect husband, until I discovered a fundamental misalignment in our core values. He was 6'4", he possessed impeccable eloquence and manners. He wasted no time in expressing his deep admiration for me and his desire to have me in every possible way. He wined and dined me often, putting in tremendous effort to unravel the depths of my stoic demeanor. It was empowering to be a puzzle he yearned to decipher. I had intrigued a man who governed a company across three continents, accustomed to people adhering to his rules all day long.
I gained valuable insights from observing him closely. His consistency in all of his dealings impressed me, as it highlighted an aspect of self-discipline that I am still working on cultivating within myself.
However, there were misalignment in our core values. His closet overflowed with identical, freshly pressed dress shirts and socks. He sipped on the same glass of Eagle Rare bourbon each night. Dinners were reserved at prestigious Michelin star restaurants, with Google invites sent by his assistant for my RSVP. Like clockwork, he texted me around the same time each morning before heading to the gym and bid farewell with gentle forehead kisses after dinner. It often felt like I was acting with him and because he handled me like a fragile bomb I could not bring the other layers of my personality out.
Our interactions barely scratched the surface. While I admired him, it was clear that I couldn't settle for a future that promised a monotonous existence. As much as I loved the scent of his Henry Jacques patchouli perfume, there simply wasn't enough substance to tether me to a life of robotic conformity as a trophy wife. My admiration for him remains, but it falls short of what I need to commit. Oh, and if you happen to be reading this, I still order a variation of the Bourbon drink you introduced me to.
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One of the purest people I know. I met him at a challenging season of my life and we grew to love each other immensely. I always knew I didn’t want a relationship with him but I got a great friendship out of our few months of being “Friends”
In that case, love is a complex subject because I have a lot of love for him but it was never my intention to be in love with him because I was emotionally unavailable at the time. He had his demons that he needed time to battle on his own and since I wasn’t initially there for the sappy stuff we naturally grew apart. He is the sweetest golden retriever boy ever, very in touch with his feminine side which equally balanced his masculine. For a moment I considered the what ifs or even him as my sperm donor if I were ever in my late 30’s with no kids nor husband. That’s absurd but I would co parent with him in a heartbeat — fortunately this is just a hypothetical because I’m certain that my future beau is equally seeking me.
Anywaysss, Great compatibility and cuddles. Amazing chemistry with big great O’s. He will always hold a close place to my heart but far from my precious lady-bits 🌹
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This one had a distinct accent that added an intriguing charm to his persona. His bone structure was impeccable, complemented by a set of exceptionally attractive teeth. His physique was also a work of art
After finding his page from a skiing geotag on Instagram, I couldn't resist the urge so I liked a few of his photos. To my delight, he reciprocated the gesture and engaged in a friendly conversation with me.
We immediately exchanged banter and mutual interest in many things, he sent me photos of his trip with his family and expressed how limited his English was which was not a problem to me because any reason to hear this handsome man talk was a no brainer. However, he had no personality of his own and was inconsistent which immensely turned me off. Eventually the limerence and initial high from the connection wore off and I removed him from my sight.
It was all Limerence and lust but I thoroughly enjoyed entertaining the idea of him until I got bored of his antics.
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This encounter transpired during a spontaneous night out on Canon Dr, accompanied by a former colleague. As fate would have it, a group of gentlemen approached our table at Wally's, his invitation veiled in the guise of a dark chocolate treat. His opening line involved a piece of dark chocolate, I responded with a playful quip, declaring myself to be "dark chocolate." Liquid courage or not, my natural charm has often landed me in intriguing situations, a fact that my friend can attest to.
Following a brief yet engaging conversation, we decided to exchange numbers. However, I must confess that his business card found its place amidst a collection of other men's cards, ones I had no intention of pursuing. Yet, destiny had other plans in store. While I was away, he took the initiative and reached out to me, leading to a delightful dinner rendezvous upon my return.
This Australian businessman possessed an impeccable taste that resonated throughout his bachelor pad nestled in the heart of Beverly Hills. Additionally, his adorable canine companion only enhanced his charm. He exuded a certain air reminiscent of British exec babe, with plastic surgery enhancements and an enchanting spontaneity. Naturally, I found myself pondering the hidden flaws that might lurk beneath his surface as he artfully prepared a delectable goat cheese board in his kitchen, accompanied by a glass of Sancerre. Nevertheless, I conjured up an image of him as a truly remarkable catch. Alas, there was a catch of its own, as he was still entertaining his ex-wife.
My ultimate goal has always been crystal clear to me. I refuse to subscribe to the notion of settling, especially when there exists a vast array of individuals on this planet who can align with my desires and values. The truth is, I yearn for it all—a life brimming with fulfillment, a devoted and exceptional life partner, beachfront home, laughter, diamonds and pearls, summers sailing the Mediterranean, the indulgent vacations, a wonderful family, and above all, a profound and undeniable chemistry.
The men I've encountered and described earlier may very well turn out to be the perfect fit for someone else someday. However, my end goal remains steadfast and unwavering. I embrace these experiences along the way as valuable lessons that help me discern precisely what I do not want in a partnership. By gaining clarity through these encounters, I am steadily progressing towards finding the kind of relationship that aligns harmoniously with my aspirations.
It’s all love. Always been love
With Love,
Mendi
